Dr. Mike Brooks

Change in Posts

2008-12-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know, most of my posts are now going to be at the Austin Psychology & Assessment Center (or ApaCenter). I promise to remain active.

Here's the link to my blog at the ApaCenter: http://www.apacenter.com/blog.asp

Hope to see you there, but I'll still post here occasionally.

Social Comparisons - Working for You or Against

2008-10-08T20:25:00.001-07:00

We often compare ourselves to others. We are social creatures, and it's natural for us to do this. In a way, we are trying to see where we stand in the pecking order - what is our social status? The manner in which we compare ourselves to others can be to our benefit or to our detriment, depending on how we do it. Does our neighbor drive a better car than we do? Is our co-worker smarter than us? Better looking? More educated? Is my child doing better/worse than yours in school? Does your family have more wealth than mine?

Through these social comparisons, we are judging both others and ourselves. Certain ways in which we compare ourselves to others can result in us feeling depressed, while other ways can cause us to feel better about ourselves. In general, when we compare ourselves to others who are better off than we are, we tend to feel down and perhaps envious. If we are not careful, it is easy to get caught up in this line of thinking. After all, we can always find people who appear to be better off than us in some way.

Let's just take an easy one - money. Unless you are someone like Bill Gates or Michael Dell, you can always find people you know who are wealthier than you are. But by looking at what we don't have, we are likely to foster some feelings of depression (and/or envy) with this line of thinking. In essence, we start telling ourselves things like, "If only I had her income, then I'd really be happy." Now we are falling into the "grass is always greener on the other side of the hill" mentality.

The thing that we are usually missing is this - if we really take an objective view of the situation, our side of the hill is pretty darn green.

If we go back to the wealth/income scenario, I can look around at my circle of friends and acquaintances and see that some of them have way more money than me and my wife. However, when I take a bigger step back, as a middle class American, I'm probably better off than around 95% of the world. There are literally billions of people around the world who go to bed hungry each night and don't have regular (or any) access to clean, running water. In this way, I should be extremely grateful that I have many of the luxuries that I was pretty much born into. You can see that shifting my mindset from feeling bad that I don't drive a BMW and live in a 10,000 square foot mansion to feeling grateful that I have cleaning running water, a roof over my head, and plentiful food can have profound affect upon my mood.

So, as you move through each day, be mindful of thoughts that you have comparing yourself to others. If you spend a lot of time dwelling on what you don't have, try catching those thoughts (they are often rather insidious) and seeing if you can shift your perspective to one of gratitude. By realizing that, in most cases, you are very fortunate compared to many others, you will create a more positive sense of self as well as develop more compassionate feelings toward others.

An Impoverised Present

2008-08-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a CD of a presentation by noted British philosopher Alan Watts, who passed away in 1973. He lived and traveled extensively in Asia, and was probably best know for interpreting Eastern philosophy for a Western audience.

Watts spoke of how we often look to the future as offering something better than we have right now. He said we do this because we live in an "impoverished present." That phrase has stuck with me since hearing it. Although it is helpful to plan for the future and look forward to it at times, we generally do that way too much. Somehow, in our brains we create this fiction that the future is better than what we have right now. When we do this, we diminish what we have. And the trouble with this fiction is that...there is no future. We only have the present moment. Right now is yesterday's future. It is just now...as it always is.

Thus, we can gain much more satisfaction with the present moment by honoring it fully. We can do this by ceasing to incessantly look toward the future as better than now. This is an important step toward ensuring that we don't live in an "impoverished present."

What If You Tried This?

2008-08-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

If we want to make ourselves anxious, a good way of doing it is by asking ourselves, "What if _________ happens?" Our brains are wonderful tools that can help us imagine and predict things. This quality separates us from other mammals and allows us to create inventions, solve problems before they occur, and anticipate possible consequences of our actions. On the down side, we can imagine all sorts of horrible things happening. Sometimes our brains get stuck in "What If" Land. Have you ever visited there? I know I have.

What if I fail?
What if they don't like me?
What if my car breaks down on the way to that meeting?
What if I forget what I'm supposed to say?
What if I look like an idiot?
What if they're talking bad about me?
What if I go bankrupt?

Our brains and bodies often respond to "what if" questions as "what is" questions. These "what if" questions can start a cascade of physiological reactions that prepare for "fight or flight." Thus, these potential (often improbable) psychological dangers are reacted to as if they are real physical dangers that are occurring right now. Adrenaline and cortisol are released. Our immune systems are suppressed. We are primed for action...ready to fight a sabre-toothed tiger...when we have only imagined a psychological threat to our well-being by posing our "what if" questions!

If you play "what if" games a lot with yourself, you need to ask this question: Do I usually win? Most people do not. Asking "what if" questions typically just causes a lot of anxiety and keeps us living "in our heads" instead of enjoying the moment.

If you are going to ask "what if" questions, try asking in a different way. Instead of asking how a future event could turn out very negatively, instead ask how a current or past situation could have turned out more negatively but didn't. In essence, you are trying to find a "silver lining" in a negative situation or be grateful that situation didn't turn out worse than it did.

For example,
- I know I got into a fender bender. What if I had hurt someone? At least that didn't happen!
- I got a C+ on that exam. What if I had failed it? Then it would have been really hard to get at least a B in the class. At least I still have a shot at that!
- I know that this job with the state isn't the most exciting one in the world. What if I were totally unemployed? That would be really stressful!

So, if you are going to pose "what if" questions, try posing them in such a way that doesn't cause you anxiety. Things can be worse than they are right now. It is important to remember that we can be grateful for what have because we can almost always have less.

These Are Days

2008-08-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

There's a song by the group 10,000 Maniacs, who disbanded in the early 90s, entitled "These Are Days." It's a beautiful song, as sung by lyricist and frontwoman Natalie Merchant. Probably everyone has heard it at one time or another by now. The sentiment is very strong, and it contains a wonderful mindfulness concept. The song begins, "These are days...you'll remember."

The idea that tomorrow is better than today is an insidious idea. It's a carrot that perpetually dangles before us. We keep trying to get to the future, but we never get there. That's because we are always in the present. A 1000 years from now, people won't be living in the future. They'll be living in the present moment. In that sense, there is no future. There is only this moment that we have right here, right now. If we can accept this moment as it is and the wonder it holds, then there's no reason to focus on the fiction of the future being an inherently better place.

Thought of in another way - this is the future to our past self. Reminds me of an old song by Carly Simon entitled, "Anticipation." It ends with the refrain, "These are the good old days."
Aren't they? Certainly, there are people who are truly suffering in the present. But most of us are doing well enough, but keep thinking the future will be better than the present. If we can learn to accept the truth that the present is the time to enjoy, we unlock a powerful reality that can liberate us from much suffering and help us enjoy our lives more than ever.

Power of Words & Self-Talk

2008-07-31T21:40:00.000-07:00

Words can be tremendously powerful. Very subtle changes in choice of words, voice inflection, etc. can totally change the impact our words have on others. Importantly, our words cannot control others, only influence them. Other people could choose to ignore what we say altogether. However, to a great extent, the words we choose can have a significant impact on others.

Consider a man telling his wife, "You look pretty in that dress." Throw in a tiny little "don't" and we have, "You don't look pretty in that dress." The first example would typically get a warm response (excluding negative reactions based on interpretations such as, "What, are you saying I don't look pretty otherwise?"). If said like example #2, the man is sleeping alone on the couch (I promise, this is not autobiographical).

Have you ever had one of those experiences in which you mishear or misinterpret what someone says, have a very negative reaction, only to later find out the truth of your error? Those can be either painful, embarrassing, or funny...or all of them at once.

Now, if we can agree that our words can have a powerful influence on others, consider our self-talk. The little chatterbox inside our heads often bombards us with negative statements such as,
- You are an idiot.
- No one likes you.
- What if you bomb this presentation?
- You are not good enough for him/her.

Interestingly, we often tell ourselves negative things that we would rarely, if ever, tell someone else. Think of what kind of negative impact this could be having on our mood and self-confidence! This kind of negative self-talk can occur daily over a period of years. The results can be catastrophic.

So, it is critical to become aware of the content of our thinking. Often these thoughts are just below the conscious level. As we become aware of these thoughts, we can change the content such that we don't beat ourselves down. I'll talk more about this in my next blog.

Lost Control of My Thoughts

2008-07-18T20:06:00.000-07:00

I was recently watching a docudrama called "Control" that chronicled the rise of the punk/new wave group Joy Division and troubled front man Ian Curtis. I heard that the movie was great, especially the nuanced, brooding performance of Sam Riley as Ian Curtis. I read one reviewer who wrote that Sam Riley didn't play the part of Ian Curtis - he "channeled" him.

It was a dark movie, shot in black & white that depicted Ian Curtis' battle with depression, poorly controlled epilepsy, and being emotionally destroyed from being caught in a love triangle and the mounting pressures of success. He lacked the resources and support to extricate himself from a spiraling melancholy and ultimately committed suicide at the age of 23, on the brink of super stardom, by hanging himself.

I'm NOT, I repeat NOT, recommending this movie to uplift spirits. It's a powerful film to be sure, especially if you are a fan of that era of music or Joy Division/New Order in particular.

I mention this film because it caused me to experience much sadness over the course of the few days that I saw it. I wasn't able to view it in one sitting because both of my boys were battling minor illnesses and were not sleeping well. This caused me and my wife to suffer some sleep deprivation over the course of the days that I was trying to watch the movie.

A curious thing began happening that really took the wind out of my sails. Between viewings, my mind kept gravitating to the depressing story and images. In fact, my mind kept "looping" dark images in an obsessive fashion. I could not dislodge them from my brain. Not only was it annoying, it was really bringing me down emotionally.

The night after I finally finished the DVD, I was able to get a full night's rest. It was only then that I was able to get movie out of my brain. My mood improved considerably, and I was able to enjoy life much more than I had been on the previous days.

As I reflect on this experience, it seems that, due to the sleep deprivation, I was unable to regulate my thoughts and the corresponding emotions well in such a state. Thus, the movie clips, and the depressing reality they depicted, kept replaying in my mind unbidden. My experience is consistent with research showing that sleep deprivation reduces the ability of the prefrontal cortex (the seat of our higher order thinking, planning, and goal-directed behavior) to regulate our emotions and unconscious thinking. When sleep deprived, it's as if our prefrontal cortex is taking a nap, leaving those other cognitive processes poorly regulated.

Although I have experienced negative emotions as the result of sleep deprivation before, I had not been aware of my own obsessive thinking resulting from lack of sleep. As we know from the cognitive-behavioral therapy model, it is our thoughts that generally underlie our emotions. So, when we cannot control our thoughts, then we will not be able to control our emotions well. It's interesting that the movie was entitled "Control," which was one of Joy Division's songs as well.

If you desire better control over your thoughts and emotions, do not overlook the importance of sleep. Though it does not hold all the answers, it's often best to start with some of the simplest solutions first before trying to find more complicated and nebulous answers.

Windows of Illumination

2008-07-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

I had to go take care of a traffic ticket today at a precinct office - not a favorite task, but I try to take a flexible approach to life and see situations from different perspectives. It's very challenging to do this with some things, but it works well with many others. The Dalai Lama called this having a "supple mind." If we fully realize (and practice) our ability to see situations from multiple perspectives, we become liberated from entrenched ways of thinking.

So, in this instance, I tried to see that the drive wasn't a bad one - it was only 2 miles out of my way. I didn't have to wait long - only one person was in line in front of me at the office. I had a nice chat with the woman processing my ticket. And then, my favorite part happened. As I was leaving, a middle aged man was getting out of his truck. Although I didn't know him, he greeted with me with a very warm, "Howdy!" and gave a broad smile. I returned in kind and just tried to soak up the moment. If I had not had to go by the precinct office, I would not have experienced that moment...which continues to stick with me.

There are so many situations in life that drag us down needlessly. Sure, there are legitimate tragedies in life, but we so often let the little things get under our skin. We let these tarnish what could be bright moments. As you practice seeing things from different perspectives...and realizing this capability is within you...you will eliminate a lot of needless suffering in your daily life and add joy. You can't put a price on that.

Mining Podcasts

2008-07-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

I really like iTunes, my iPod, podcasts, and all of the options that they bring. Name a topic, and there are some free podcasts available for download through iTunes and countless other ways. What I'm finding particularly enjoyable is to get my iPod, an interesting podcast, and listen while I do household chores like folding laundry and doing dishes. What once were rather dull tasks are transformed into learning opportunities or leisure time. You can get so many audiobooks now that it boggles the mind. If you can plug your iPod into your car, traffic and lengthy drives become entirely different experiences. Give them a try if you haven't already.

Relief from Anger

2008-06-30T20:34:00.000-07:00

Our anger can be kept alive indefinitely. An incident in which we felt wronged from 20 years ago can send us spiraling into a heated rage within just seconds of thinking about it. Thus, our anger is just a thought away. We've all experienced this before. And the more that we recall particular incidents that anger us, the stronger that these neural pathways become. Thus, a robust connection to a rage response is created by using the same neural pathways over and over again.

On the positive side, relief from such anger is also a thought away. The chemicals that course within our veins from a rage reaction are cleansed from our system in about 90 seconds - if we shift our focus onto something else. So, if you can learn to quickly identify the feelings of anger within your body, you can make a conscious decision to shift your focus to something else. If you do this, that rage response will dissipate quickly...and you can gain a sense of peace. Also, with the greater control you acquire over your emotional responses, you will also gain a new sense of freedom because you will no longer be the victim of your own mind. You are in the driver's seat.

Reading & Fatigue

2008-06-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to maintain concentration while reading and/or not remembering what you just read? Of course, this can be from a number of causes (e.g., boring or extremely dense reading material, ADHD, a mild reading disability) but an obvious but often overlooked one is not getting enough sleep. When I try reading late at night or when I'm clearly sleep-deprived, I can only read for a few minutes before my eyes grow heavy and my attention drifts. I keep rereading the same passage because I just cannot maintain my concentration. Retaining much of anything seems next to impossible. On the other hand, when I'm well-rested, I can easily read for over an hour at a time and I find my retention to be much better.

So, if you've noticed that you have a lot of difficulties with reading (and have not consistently experienced these difficulties throughout your life), be sure that you are getting enough sleep. Really aim to get around 8 hours of sleep per night. If you just want to try this as an experiment, that's a great way to do it. See if reading becomes more of a pleasure than a chore when you've been having the proper amount of sleep.

Max Caffeine Per Day?

2008-06-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

I love coffee...and the caffeine that comes with it. But there can be "too much of a good thing." Coffee helped me make it through graduate school. In fact, I didn't start drinking coffee until grad school. That's when I discovered, "Ah, THIS is why people drink coffee!" But I've learned the downside of too much caffeine...irritability, jitters, racing heart, and so on. So, I've limited myself to about 2-4 cups per day. I've heard of people drinking several pots of coffee per day...perhaps 20 cups or more!

The effects of caffeine are well-documented. In small to moderate amounts, it can improve alertness, attention, concentration, work productivity, short-term memory, and induce a mild positive affective state. In small to moderate amounts, caffeine does not seem to have any major deleterious side effects for most people. For people drinking coffee for the positive effects of caffeine, it should be consumed in small amounts over time and consumption should be discontinued in the early afternoon (so as not to interfere with sleep). The benefits of caffeine seem to peek at about 200 milligrams. A typical 8 oz. cup of coffee has about 135 mg. Tolerance to caffeine develops quickly, so that needs to be taken into consideration for coffee drinkers. Hey, this sounds a lot like a drug! Well, caffeine is a drug, it's just one that has been welcomed into most societies around the world.

Nowadays, people tend to get much more than 200 mg. per day in their coffee (especially if we include other sources such as tea, colas, and chocolate). For example, the main beverage sizes served at Starbuck's do not even include an 8 ounce option (although it can be requested). A Tall coffee at Starbuck's is 12 oz. and contains 240 mg of caffeine. Thus, the typical smallest size at Starbuck's already exceeds the maximum beneficial amount of caffeine. A Grande is 16 oz. and contains 320 mg of caffeine, and a Venti coffee is 20 oz. and contains a whopping 480 mg. of caffeine.

Too much caffeine can start one down a road of side effects and true addiction (including some nasty withdrawal symptoms such as excruciating headaches). I want to make clear that I'm not endorsing caffeine consumption. I like coffee...and chocolate...but we must not lose sight of the fact that caffeine is a drug, and, although it's mild one, it's use must be considered carefully and used wisely.

Mindfulness - For Elite Athletes... & Everyone Else

2008-06-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

The following excerpt is taking from an Associated Press posting on 6/7/08 from website of: http://www.espn.com/:

Ivanovic defeats Safina for French Open Title

At last, Ana Ivanovic overcame her stage fright.

In two previous major finals, Ivanovic was so overwhelmed by the setting, so shaken by the stakes, that her focus fell apart and her shots went awry.

A year ago, Ana Ivanovic was rattled early in the French Open final. This year she took early leads in both sets to win her first Grand Slam title.

Not on this day.

Already assured of rising to No. 1 in the rankings for the first time, Ivanovic collected Grand Slam title No. 1 by beating Dinara Safina 6-4, 6-3 in the French Open final Saturday.

Rather than erasing the memories of those lopsided losses in championship matches against Justine Henin at Roland Garros a year ago and against Maria Sharapova at the Australian Open in January, Ivanovic used the bitterness to help her.

"Many, many people ask me, 'Oh, you want to forget last year's final?' But I don't, because it was a great learning experience," said Ivanovic, a 20-year-old from Serbia.

She won only three games against Henin, then eight against Sharapova, and said of the latter defeat: "I had a few sleepless nights after that."

But in the months since, Ivanovic realized this: Part of her difficulty in those matches rested with either looking ahead -- "Hey, maybe I can actually win this thing," she was thinking against Henin -- or looking behind -- failing to put a few key points out of her mind against Sharapova.

Ivanovic lost two consecutive matches on clay before coming to Paris, and she knew she had to change something. She credits her strength and conditioning coach, Scott Byrnes, with helping find what she called a "tool" to make sure she stays focused on the court.

And it couldn't be simpler: Take the time to pause and breathe.

"My personality is I tend too much to think about what will be, and try to think too much in advance, which is definitely not too good," Ivanovic said. "So I found that breathing helps me to go back in a moment and just enjoy that very moment."

This is mindfulness in practice. Ivanovic won that day because she liberated herself from thoughts about winning and losing. Her full attention was on the very moment. In sports, even a 1% loss of attention can make a difference in highly competitive contests. We've all probably experienced "choking" in a sporting event at some point or another...or at least seen it in others. Choking is really just when a person gets lost in thoughts about winning or losing...beating themselves up for missed opportunities or getting too excited about the prospects of winning.

The lessons about mindfulness apply to all of life, not just sports. If you look around and reflect on your own experiences, you will know this to be true. As Carly Simon once sang, "These are the good old days."

Life Through a Lens

2008-06-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

My eldest son's graduation was this past Friday...from preschool. Not that there was a ton of pomp and circumstance, but there was a ceremony (in case you are wondering, he graduated magna cum laude - I'm one proud daddy!). Parents were out in force with their cameras and camcorders - myself included.

My son posed an interesting dilemma for my wife and me. As the kids were asked to sit in a circle, he asked my wife and I to sit beside him. For a few moments I gave pause - I had been planning to stand back and record the ceremony! After all, this was his first graduation.

Then I realized that, instead of observing the ceremony through my camcorder lens - my son was asking us to experience this with him. I turned the camcorder off, sat down beside him, and just soaked up the experience with him and my wife.

Too often we are trying to capture that perfect moment in a picture or a camcorder. For what purpose? To experience it again later when we never fully experienced it the first time? There's a place for pictures and recording videos to be sure, but we should never lose sight of the fact that life is best experienced as it is. If part of our attention is being diverted to recording an experience...indeed, we might be very frustrated in our efforts to get that perfect picture...we miss out on the full experience of that moment.

So, be aware when your efforts to capture the moment are detracting from your experience of the moment. It's okay sometimes to just turn the camera and camcorder off.

Quick Healthy Eating Tip

2008-05-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

I have a sweet tooth, which is often hard to fight. It's natural that we crave sweets - we are hardwired for that. At one time, sweet meant fruits, and fruits are good sources of vitamins, fiber, and energy. However, as our society has developed, we now have capitalized on this natural desire such that we have created an endless array of tantalizing sweets to tempt us.

Instead of trying to vanquish this craving entirely (really, an impossible task), here's a way to give in to the craving to your advantage. If after dinner you typically have something sweet, make the dessert start with fruit. Have the piece of fruit (or more if you want), and wait a few minutes. Then go for the cookie or ice cream. You will find that the fruit will satisfy your sweet tooth to some extent, and you will thus eat less of the sugar-packed, high caloric dessert.

Body Scan Meditation

2008-05-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

So, I was doing a body scan meditation the other day by following a CD by Jon Kabat-Zinn, who is a renowned psychologist who has been doing work in mindfulness for many years. I do my own version with clients sometimes and most people find it quite relaxing and helpful. Basically, while keeping relaxed breathing, you turn your awareness to different parts of the body starting with the toes and working upward (I suppose you could go from head to toe as well, but I've always done from toe to head).

Why this is so effective is that you notice sensations...and the "aliveness" in the different parts of your body...when you turn your conscious awareness toward them. You can only notice these sensations when you are in the present moment. These sensations don't take place in the past or the future - only the present moment. When you are in the present moment, you are completed liberated from the voice in the head that chatters almost incessantly about regrets from the past, worries about the future, negative thoughts about the self or others, the never-ending "to do" list, etc.

At any rate, the Jon Kabat-Zinn body scan mediation-which was 45 minutes long and after lunch-was so relaxing that I started "zoning out" during the meditation. My consciousness was slipping away from me as I was drifting off to La-La Land. We've all been there before. Occasionally this happens to my clients when we go through guided meditations in session. Although this can happen under normal conditions, it is much more likely when we are sleep deprived. It is a sign. If we cannot do some meditation without nodding off, then we are not getting enough sleep. It's that simple.

For me, it's been difficult at times because I have two young boys - one is an 18-month old who doesn't like to sleep. I'm sure we all have good reasons for missing out on sleep, but the fact remains that we still need more than we usually get. So, I'm heading right to bed to ensure that I'm get caught up. I plan on adding podcasts to my website soon, and I will offer some guided meditations as part of this. If you find yourself nodding off in them, chances are you are not getting enough sleep...or I've made them too boring, but rule out the former first!

Self-Liberation Through Mindfulness

2008-05-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

Now we've arrived at potentially the most powerful way to break out of a cycle of negative thoughts and feelings. It is through mindfulness, which is really a way of changing our being more than just our doing or thinking. It is the transformation of consciousness.

As a refresher, mindfulness is the term used in psychology (although it's been around for thousands of years) to describe turning our awareness to the present moment, becoming aware of our experiences - our thoughts, actions, and feelings - without judgment. We are not our thoughts, actions, or feelings. We are the conscious presence that observes these. However, if we do not tap into this reality, then we fall victim to the content of our mind - whatever that may be. When we can learn to separate who we really are from the incessant voice in the head, the thoughts can no longer overpower us.

Going back to the thoughts as a river metaphor, the current of our thoughts can sweep us away if we become lost in our thoughts. That is, we are in trouble when we identify with our thoughts. If I have the thought, "I'm an idiot," I'm going to feel pretty bad. However, if I can realize that I'm just having a thought that I'm an idiot, then I begin the process of separating my thoughts from who I really am - the conscious presence who is aware that I'm having a thought that I'm an idiot! When you get this separation, you are now, metaphorically speaking, standing on the river bank and no longer being tossed about in current of the river.

As I said in a previous post, I believe the popular "cognitive-behavioral therapy" approach (or CBT) really works because we become more mindful of our thoughts...particularly our negative thoughts...and learn not to get swept up in them. There's no way to change patterns of dysfunctional thinking without first becoming aware of the dysfunctional thinking. You are that awareness.

To be mindful, you are not emptying your head and trying to think of nothingness. If you are trying to think of nothing, you are still thinking! Instead of trying to have no thoughts go on in your head, just tune in to the present moment. How do you know that you're alive? Can you sense your breathing? Do you feel the "aliveness" in your body? Where and how do you feel it? What different shapes and colors do you see around you? How many different sounds can you detect right now? All of these things can pull us in to the present moment.

When we are in the present moment, we are fully connected to the world around us - which is the only world there really is. The world that goes on inside our heads is fiction. When we are present, there are no negative thoughts to fight anymore. They disappear entirely when we are living in the now. We are totally unshackled from the thoughts in the head. This is true liberation.

Self-Liberation Through Thoughts

2008-04-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

So, changing our behavior is one way of improving our sense of well-being. I'm referring to this as a form of self-liberation because we do not have to be shackled to our feelings. We can rise above these in a number of ways. Another way of gaining self-liberation is through changing our thoughts.

According to the cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) model (as well as many other older philosophies), it is not a situation itself that results in positive or negative feelings, rather it is our thoughts about situations that give rise to corresponding feelings. Thus, if I view a "C" on an exam as a failure...and believe that this grade means that I'm not that intelligent...and that people won't like me because they will view me as unintelligent...and that I'll never get a decent job because my GPA is not good enough...then it is likely that I will experience feelings of sadness and distress at getting a C. However, if I view a C on an exam as satisfactory and just a reflection of the limited effort that I put forth on the exam...and that most people won't know or care whether I got a C or an A+ on an exam...and that it will in no way hinder me from achieving my goals...then it's likely that my emotions will not be influenced much by that grade.

The way we think about things is often a result of conditioned patterns that develop from our experiences. Perhaps our parents told us that anything less than an A is totally unsatisfactory and that we'll never amount to anything unless we get As. Those thoughts then become our self-talk or "voice in the head" that repeats these negative messages in particular situations. These thoughts are often "automatic" and basically unconscious. They reside just below our conscious awareness. However, when we turn our conscious awareness on our thoughts, we can then examine the content.

When we examine the content of these negative thoughts, we will often find that they are distorted in some way. Distorted thoughts give rise to distorted feelings. As the cliche goes, do we see the glass as half empty or half full? When the significant other breaks up with us, are there more fish in the sea or will we never love this way again? You can see that our perceptions have a tremendous power over our emotions. In fact, you could say that our perceptions dictate our emotional responses. If I'm opening my closet, and I think a tiger is in there, my body is going to kick into fight or flight mode. It doesn't matter if there's not really a tiger in there, as long as I think there might be, my body will react as if there is one. Our physiological and emotional reactions respond to the mind's "what ifs" as "what is."

Importantly, with some practice, we can become more and more aware of these distorted thoughts. Often we can use strong, negative emotional reactions as a cue to examine the content of our minds. Our conscious awareness can help us create space between our thoughts. Thus, we start to learn that our thoughts are not necessarily true, and we can change these thoughts. When we change the thoughts about situations, we also change our emotional/physiological reactions to those situations.

The downside to trying to change thoughts is that it can be quite challenging at times. The pull of the old ways of thinking become deeply entrenched over time...it's almost as if there is a gravitational pull toward the old patterns. Many times in therapy I've had clients recognize that their old thought patterns are distorted but say they can't help thinking and reacting to their dysfunctional thoughts. One of the inherent problems of trying to change thoughts is that it is easy to get lost in these thoughts...and the more we try not to think in these old patterns, the more we sometimes do.

This goes back to what I quoted from Dr. William Glasser in my last blog, that "It is easier to act your way into a different way of thinking than to think your way into a different way of acting." If I tell you, "Don't think of a pink elephant no matter what," you will immediately...and almost obsessively...start to think of pink elephants. In fact, about the only way you will be able to dislodge pink elephants from your brain is to engage in an activity that is so engrossing that pink elephants are squeezed right out.

This is not to say that changing thoughts through the application of the CBT model (of which there are many strategies) doesn't work. On the contrary, there is much research...and my professional experiences with clients...to support that it can be tremendously effective. It's just that changing thought distortions is not the only way to improve our well-being - it is just a way.

So, changing distorted thoughts is one way of improving our well-being. It works great for many people and through practice, we can become better at it. However, for some people tinkering with their thoughts either perpetuates the problem (e.g., being in their heads too much, swept away by thinking) or provides no symptom relief.

There is another way to enhance our sense of well-being that is neither changing our actions nor changing our thoughts. It is by being rather than doing or thinking. I'll cover this more in my next post.

Self-Liberation Through Actions

2008-04-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Our actions can have a huge affect on our emotional well-being. One of the benefits of focusing on changing our behavior is that it is mostly directly under our control. If you want to raise your arm, it's only a choice away. Although depression can sap our energy and motivation, it is still possible to make small behavioral changes that ultimately can lead to changes in our mood. Some of these benefits come from the activity itself (i.e., it is inherently pleasurable) and some comes from the fact that engaging in these actions engrosses our attention. Thus, the shift in attention can break us out of a cycle of negative thoughts.

So, when we are depressed, jogging 5 miles might seem like a herculean task, but a walk around the block can still provide some symptom relief without seeming too daunting. Similarly, going to coffee with a friend, playing golf, going for a swim, throwing the Frisbee to your dog are all actions that can induce feelings of pleasure while breaking the negative "spin cycle" of the brain. For people experiencing anxiety, doing some relaxed breathing, jogging, doing a crossword puzzle (or other activities that are similar to the activities that break us out of depression), can help reduce the feelings of anxiety. The root cause of depression and anxiety in practically every case is some form of negative spin cycle of thoughts that elicit related feelings.

A funny thing happens when we learn to change our behaviors to improve our mood: We learn that we can change our behavior to change our mood. In effect, one of the (often unconscious or implicit) beliefs that we hold that contributes to us feeling depressed is something like, "I cannot do anything to change how I feel. I'm stuck in this depression and can never get out." In psychology, this is known as locus of control. There is much research that shows there is a strong connection about beliefs that we are helpless and depression. Dr. Martin Seligman called this "learned helplessness." We come to believe that what we do doesn't matter.

In effect, changing our behaviors can give us direct evidence to counter beliefs about helplessness such that we then develop an internal locus of control. Focusing on changing our actions to change our mood...and then our thoughts...supports the notion from Dr. William Glasser (of Choice Theory) that, "It is easier to act your way into a different way of thinking than to think our way into a different way of acting."

Next post, I'll cover more on changing our thinking. Until then, make sure you do something fun!

Self Liberation

2008-04-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm on the same journey as everyone else, so I grow and learn just as you do. Thus, I expect my views to change some over time. Still, I'm very interested in finding some core truths that everyone can use to improve their lives. I'm comfortable saying that what I'm about to list here are things that I'll continue to endorse as helpful in some way, shape, or form for the rest of my days.

From my own experiences, observations of the world around, my training and practice as a psychologist, as well as my spiritual journey, I think there are 3 main ways of liberating ourselves from our negative thoughts. What I'm going to do is just list each of these, and then discuss each in more detail in subsequent posts.

Here are 3 broad categories of ways of breaking the cycle of negative thoughts that are at the root of most (or possibly all) our psychological distress:
1. Change our behavior
2. Change our thoughts/perceptions
3. Get out of our heads altogether - instead of thinking or doing, we are being

I know these seem pretty straight forward, but sometimes it's best to agree upon some of the fundamentals before moving forward. I'll cover changing our behavior in my next post.

More on "Spinning"

2008-04-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

As I said in my last post, it's easy for thoughts that are just in our imagination to create strong, visceral responses. The exact type of physiological and emotional responses depend upon the content of our thoughts (e.g., lustful thoughts can create sexual arousal, thoughts of being wronged can create feelings of hurt or anger). These thoughts can simply be the product of imagination. Also, they can be expectations about the future or rehearsing some incidents that happened in the past. The main point is that the responses that these thoughts can produce can be quite powerful and the body does not know the difference between a real situation and the content of our thoughts. Our bodies respond to our thoughts as if they are true.

When we ruminate on negative thoughts, our bodies will keep responding as if these thoughts are real. So, if you do this for several hours a day (e.g., think of how wrong that friend was for making that rude comment), we will keep fueling the corresponding emotional responses. This can occur over the span of hours, days, weeks, and even years. And, to top it off, we are the ones that suffer the most from ruminating on these negative thoughts! Liberating ourselves from these unhealthy thoughts is of paramount importance. Our happiness and peace of mind are at stake. Our happiness (or lack thereof) can affect (or infect?) those around us. It's like the idea of karma. I'll take more in my next post about how to liberate ourselves from these negative thoughts.

Igniting Emotions

2008-04-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

Our emotions are typically elicited by our thoughts. Situations, in a sense, are neither bad nor good...they just are. It is our thoughts about the situations that give rise to corresponding feelings. Often these thoughts are "automatic" and just below our conscious awareness. If we learn to become aware of them, we can learn to change them or, better yet, just refocus on the present moment. When we are connected to the present moment, by definition, our thoughts are not on spin cycle about various things that can upset us (e.g., "I'm such a failure," "He hates me," "I'm worthless").

Often our thoughts are on autopilot and not technically reactions to perceived events. We can get ourselves worked up without any external stimuli at all. Here's a personal example that just happened to me the other night. I've been going on my "meditative dog walks" nightly now for several weeks. I used to just walk the dogs because "I had to." Now, I try to take these opportunities to get connected to the present moment...look at the stars, listen to the songs of the crickets, notice the different trees and so on. It's very powerful when I do it, but I'm sure you've found when you try to stay conscious in the present moment, it's not easy! I find that my mind easily drifts off, and my consciousness takes a back seat for a while until I somehow realize I've drifted off and my consciousness can pop back in.

On this particular night, my thoughts drifted to some other times in which I was walking the dogs and some unleashed dogs ran up to mine and a short skirmish ensued. Then I thought of how sometimes I'm walking my two young boys along with my dogs. Then I thought, "It would be horrible if I was walking my dogs and some unleashed dogs ran up and starting attacking my dogs...and then started attacking my boys! What would I do?" Well, then I imagined going into a berserk rage to defend my boys...in full technicolor glory. At that moment, my consciousness made it's reappearance. I think I was able to do this because I noticed the visceral response to my imagined encounter. I felt the beginnings of rage! My jaw was clenched. My muscles were tense and ready for a physical defense. My heart was racing and my face felt flush.

I was quite surprised how quickly this all transpired...on my meditative dog walk of all things! My body was going into fight/flight response mode just because of these thoughts. Importantly, as soon as my awareness returned to the present, these feelings quickly dissipated.

These things happen to us all too often. It just illustrates how our thoughts...even in the absence of a clear external stimulus...can result in strong emotional and physiological reactions. Also, had I been able to stay in the present moment better, my peace of mind would never have been disturbed in the first place. Still, entering the present moment has the power to dispel the effects of our negative thoughts because, by definition, if we are connected to the present moment, those unconscious thoughts are not happening.

Mindfulness - Learning to Be Still

2008-04-05T21:56:00.001-07:00

In this age of technology we have virtually countless ways to distract ourselves. We have our radios, CD players, iPods, email, talk radio, TV, DVDs, video games, cell phone, text messaging...not to mention our low-tech distractions such as books, crossword puzzles, and so on. Now, these things all of their respective places. I'm well aware of the irony that I'm using the Internet to blog! However, I think we have a hard time of learning to be still...or just learning to Be...because of the prevalence of these distractions. Our brains are so used to being inundated with stimuli that I think our brains try to fill the void when our distractions are silenced. Then we experience the "chatter" of our thoughts, and our consciousness is not really present at these times. The unconscious thinking that goes on is like our blood flowing...it is happening to us rather than a function of our conscious presence.

Learning to Be present...connected to the world around us...is critical to our well-being. Not only is this supported by teachings from many religious and meditative practices, empirical research clearly shows that learning to become more mindful has numerous emotional and physical health benefits. So, periodically take some time out from distractions and try to focus on the moment. Turn your conscious awareness to your breath, the way your body feels, or the sights and sounds to the world around you. These things only happen in the present moment. For example, there are no past or future breaths...the breathing that you are doing is happening right now. Entering into the present moment will give you relief from the current of thoughts that happen to you. It's tremendously liberating because the "now" is always available to you, wherever you go. No batteries or WiFi necessary.

Practicing Mindfulness Daily

2008-03-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's a given that when we practice something, we get better at it. Our brains are made to adapt to different stimuli. Mindfulness can be practiced in small ways every day such that you will get better at it. If you really wanted to learn a foreign language, you wouldn't practice one day a week. You would practice every day. It is the same way with learning mindfulness, which is to say learning to be present in the moment and take it nonjudgmental view of things.

By learning to be mindful and more in the moment, you'll be more fully engaged in whatever it is that you're doing -- talking to a friend, reading a book, playing golf, and so on. Too often we are not really present when we are here. One important benefit of mindfulness is that it will enhance your connections in your relationships. It is much easier to connect with people, to gauge their emotions and react appropriately to their body language and tone of voice, when we are fully present. When we learn to become more aware in the moment, we will not be subject to the incessant stream of thoughts that often fill our heads. An incessant stream of negative thoughts can give rise to corresponding negative emotions - such as sadness, anxiety, and depression - which will have a negative impact on our well-being. Is very challenging to become mindful in the midst of strong negative feelings. If you only try to be mindful in your most challenging situations, it is unlikely you will be able to "catch yourself." When I say this, who is doing the catching? The conscious and "real" you is doing the catching. You are not the current of negative thoughts - you are the conscious presence that becomes aware of those thoughts and feelings. The key is to practice mindfulness daily so that you will be able to use it naturally when you are in challenging situations.

It is often helpful to associate mindfulness with some type of cue that you encounter on a daily basis. This can serve as a signal to check in with yourself - become aware of your breathing, any tension in your body, the stream of unconscious thinking that is going on in your head, the emotions that you are experiencing, etc. You can also be mindful, that is to enter the present moment, by tuning in to nature - the songs of the birds, the scent of spring flowers in blossom, the shape and movement of clouds, and so on.

Here are some potential cues that you might try using to practice being more mindful:

Every time your cell phone rings
Before you make any call on your cell
At every stop light
When you wash your hands
When you take a drink of anything (not just alcohol!)
When you get onto your computer
When you log on to any website
When you check your email

You might think of other cues that you could use that are more fitting for you. The key is to associate something that you do several times per day with mindfulness - use it as a cue to take inventory and be in the moment. As you do this, you will become more adept at it. Then, when you need it most because it's a challenging situation, you will start "catching yourself" and become aware of your negative thoughts and behavior patterns. Once you become aware of these, then you have some space to start changing those patterns and go a different direction. You cannot go a different direction unless you become aware that you are heading down an old direction to begin with!

Give it a try. With daily practice, you will start to experience the difference.

A New Spin on Walking the Dogs

2008-03-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

Like many others, I need to walk my dogs every day. They look forward to it much more than I do most of the time. Usually when I walk the dogs I'm walking them and thinking what I'm going to be doing when I'm finished. Eckhart Tolle would say that my "ego" is doing the talking. That voice in my head (just to clarify - it is my voice so I'm not "hearing voices") is in the form of background chatter. Usually I'm not really "there" - at least not my conscious presence. It's like when you are dreaming and you are not aware that you are dreaming - the chatter in your head often happens to you and is not really the result of conscious effort.

As I have been working on mindfulness and trying to be more present - be here when I'm here and there when I'm there - I decided to practice this on my nightly dog walks. So, instead of letting my mind start churning, I breath slowly and notice details about the world around me - the wind in my face, the ground beneath my feet, the stars in the night sky, the moon peaking behind the clouds, and so on. I find these tremendously relaxing and a good way to ensure that I have a meditation time daily - merely from being present while walking my dogs. I think that even my dogs can tell that I'm more at peace.

Try to find something that you do every day and make a point of trying to be fully present during those times. Thus, those times become an opportunity to practice mindfulness. As you practice, you will get better at it. You will notice that you can tune into the moment and tune out the current of your thoughts. Being present will improve your well-being and help you feel more grounded in your daily life - and not as vulnerable to the currents of your thoughts.