Self-Liberation Through Thoughts

So, changing our behavior is one way of improving our sense of well-being. I'm referring to this as a form of self-liberation because we do not have to be shackled to our feelings. We can rise above these in a number of ways. Another way of gaining self-liberation is through changing our thoughts.

According to the cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) model (as well as many other older philosophies), it is not a situation itself that results in positive or negative feelings, rather it is our thoughts about situations that give rise to corresponding feelings. Thus, if I view a "C" on an exam as a failure...and believe that this grade means that I'm not that intelligent...and that people won't like me because they will view me as unintelligent...and that I'll never get a decent job because my GPA is not good enough...then it is likely that I will experience feelings of sadness and distress at getting a C. However, if I view a C on an exam as satisfactory and just a reflection of the limited effort that I put forth on the exam...and that most people won't know or care whether I got a C or an A+ on an exam...and that it will in no way hinder me from achieving my goals...then it's likely that my emotions will not be influenced much by that grade.

The way we think about things is often a result of conditioned patterns that develop from our experiences. Perhaps our parents told us that anything less than an A is totally unsatisfactory and that we'll never amount to anything unless we get As. Those thoughts then become our self-talk or "voice in the head" that repeats these negative messages in particular situations. These thoughts are often "automatic" and basically unconscious. They reside just below our conscious awareness. However, when we turn our conscious awareness on our thoughts, we can then examine the content.

When we examine the content of these negative thoughts, we will often find that they are distorted in some way. Distorted thoughts give rise to distorted feelings. As the cliche goes, do we see the glass as half empty or half full? When the significant other breaks up with us, are there more fish in the sea or will we never love this way again? You can see that our perceptions have a tremendous power over our emotions. In fact, you could say that our perceptions dictate our emotional responses. If I'm opening my closet, and I think a tiger is in there, my body is going to kick into fight or flight mode. It doesn't matter if there's not really a tiger in there, as long as I think there might be, my body will react as if there is one. Our physiological and emotional reactions respond to the mind's "what ifs" as "what is."

Importantly, with some practice, we can become more and more aware of these distorted thoughts. Often we can use strong, negative emotional reactions as a cue to examine the content of our minds. Our conscious awareness can help us create space between our thoughts. Thus, we start to learn that our thoughts are not necessarily true, and we can change these thoughts. When we change the thoughts about situations, we also change our emotional/physiological reactions to those situations.

The downside to trying to change thoughts is that it can be quite challenging at times. The pull of the old ways of thinking become deeply entrenched over time...it's almost as if there is a gravitational pull toward the old patterns. Many times in therapy I've had clients recognize that their old thought patterns are distorted but say they can't help thinking and reacting to their dysfunctional thoughts. One of the inherent problems of trying to change thoughts is that it is easy to get lost in these thoughts...and the more we try not to think in these old patterns, the more we sometimes do.

This goes back to what I quoted from Dr. William Glasser in my last blog, that "It is easier to act your way into a different way of thinking than to think your way into a different way of acting." If I tell you, "Don't think of a pink elephant no matter what," you will immediately...and almost obsessively...start to think of pink elephants. In fact, about the only way you will be able to dislodge pink elephants from your brain is to engage in an activity that is so engrossing that pink elephants are squeezed right out.

This is not to say that changing thoughts through the application of the CBT model (of which there are many strategies) doesn't work. On the contrary, there is much research...and my professional experiences with clients...to support that it can be tremendously effective. It's just that changing thought distortions is not the only way to improve our well-being - it is just a way.

So, changing distorted thoughts is one way of improving our well-being. It works great for many people and through practice, we can become better at it. However, for some people tinkering with their thoughts either perpetuates the problem (e.g., being in their heads too much, swept away by thinking) or provides no symptom relief.

There is another way to enhance our sense of well-being that is neither changing our actions nor changing our thoughts. It is by being rather than doing or thinking. I'll cover this more in my next post.

Self-Liberation Through Actions

Our actions can have a huge affect on our emotional well-being. One of the benefits of focusing on changing our behavior is that it is mostly directly under our control. If you want to raise your arm, it's only a choice away. Although depression can sap our energy and motivation, it is still possible to make small behavioral changes that ultimately can lead to changes in our mood. Some of these benefits come from the activity itself (i.e., it is inherently pleasurable) and some comes from the fact that engaging in these actions engrosses our attention. Thus, the shift in attention can break us out of a cycle of negative thoughts.

So, when we are depressed, jogging 5 miles might seem like a herculean task, but a walk around the block can still provide some symptom relief without seeming too daunting. Similarly, going to coffee with a friend, playing golf, going for a swim, throwing the Frisbee to your dog are all actions that can induce feelings of pleasure while breaking the negative "spin cycle" of the brain. For people experiencing anxiety, doing some relaxed breathing, jogging, doing a crossword puzzle (or other activities that are similar to the activities that break us out of depression), can help reduce the feelings of anxiety. The root cause of depression and anxiety in practically every case is some form of negative spin cycle of thoughts that elicit related feelings.

A funny thing happens when we learn to change our behaviors to improve our mood: We learn that we can change our behavior to change our mood. In effect, one of the (often unconscious or implicit) beliefs that we hold that contributes to us feeling depressed is something like, "I cannot do anything to change how I feel. I'm stuck in this depression and can never get out." In psychology, this is known as locus of control. There is much research that shows there is a strong connection about beliefs that we are helpless and depression. Dr. Martin Seligman called this "learned helplessness." We come to believe that what we do doesn't matter.

In effect, changing our behaviors can give us direct evidence to counter beliefs about helplessness such that we then develop an internal locus of control. Focusing on changing our actions to change our mood...and then our thoughts...supports the notion from Dr. William Glasser (of Choice Theory) that, "It is easier to act your way into a different way of thinking than to think our way into a different way of acting."

Next post, I'll cover more on changing our thinking. Until then, make sure you do something fun!

Self Liberation

Now, I'm on the same journey as everyone else, so I grow and learn just as you do. Thus, I expect my views to change some over time. Still, I'm very interested in finding some core truths that everyone can use to improve their lives. I'm comfortable saying that what I'm about to list here are things that I'll continue to endorse as helpful in some way, shape, or form for the rest of my days.

From my own experiences, observations of the world around, my training and practice as a psychologist, as well as my spiritual journey, I think there are 3 main ways of liberating ourselves from our negative thoughts. What I'm going to do is just list each of these, and then discuss each in more detail in subsequent posts.

Here are 3 broad categories of ways of breaking the cycle of negative thoughts that are at the root of most (or possibly all) our psychological distress:
1. Change our behavior
2. Change our thoughts/perceptions
3. Get out of our heads altogether - instead of thinking or doing, we are being

I know these seem pretty straight forward, but sometimes it's best to agree upon some of the fundamentals before moving forward. I'll cover changing our behavior in my next post.

More on "Spinning"

As I said in my last post, it's easy for thoughts that are just in our imagination to create strong, visceral responses. The exact type of physiological and emotional responses depend upon the content of our thoughts (e.g., lustful thoughts can create sexual arousal, thoughts of being wronged can create feelings of hurt or anger). These thoughts can simply be the product of imagination. Also, they can be expectations about the future or rehearsing some incidents that happened in the past. The main point is that the responses that these thoughts can produce can be quite powerful and the body does not know the difference between a real situation and the content of our thoughts. Our bodies respond to our thoughts as if they are true.

When we ruminate on negative thoughts, our bodies will keep responding as if these thoughts are real. So, if you do this for several hours a day (e.g., think of how wrong that friend was for making that rude comment), we will keep fueling the corresponding emotional responses. This can occur over the span of hours, days, weeks, and even years. And, to top it off, we are the ones that suffer the most from ruminating on these negative thoughts! Liberating ourselves from these unhealthy thoughts is of paramount importance. Our happiness and peace of mind are at stake. Our happiness (or lack thereof) can affect (or infect?) those around us. It's like the idea of karma. I'll take more in my next post about how to liberate ourselves from these negative thoughts.

Igniting Emotions

Our emotions are typically elicited by our thoughts. Situations, in a sense, are neither bad nor good...they just are. It is our thoughts about the situations that give rise to corresponding feelings. Often these thoughts are "automatic" and just below our conscious awareness. If we learn to become aware of them, we can learn to change them or, better yet, just refocus on the present moment. When we are connected to the present moment, by definition, our thoughts are not on spin cycle about various things that can upset us (e.g., "I'm such a failure," "He hates me," "I'm worthless").

Often our thoughts are on autopilot and not technically reactions to perceived events. We can get ourselves worked up without any external stimuli at all. Here's a personal example that just happened to me the other night. I've been going on my "meditative dog walks" nightly now for several weeks. I used to just walk the dogs because "I had to." Now, I try to take these opportunities to get connected to the present moment...look at the stars, listen to the songs of the crickets, notice the different trees and so on. It's very powerful when I do it, but I'm sure you've found when you try to stay conscious in the present moment, it's not easy! I find that my mind easily drifts off, and my consciousness takes a back seat for a while until I somehow realize I've drifted off and my consciousness can pop back in.

On this particular night, my thoughts drifted to some other times in which I was walking the dogs and some unleashed dogs ran up to mine and a short skirmish ensued. Then I thought of how sometimes I'm walking my two young boys along with my dogs. Then I thought, "It would be horrible if I was walking my dogs and some unleashed dogs ran up and starting attacking my dogs...and then started attacking my boys! What would I do?" Well, then I imagined going into a berserk rage to defend my boys...in full technicolor glory. At that moment, my consciousness made it's reappearance. I think I was able to do this because I noticed the visceral response to my imagined encounter. I felt the beginnings of rage! My jaw was clenched. My muscles were tense and ready for a physical defense. My heart was racing and my face felt flush.

I was quite surprised how quickly this all transpired...on my meditative dog walk of all things! My body was going into fight/flight response mode just because of these thoughts. Importantly, as soon as my awareness returned to the present, these feelings quickly dissipated.

These things happen to us all too often. It just illustrates how our thoughts...even in the absence of a clear external stimulus...can result in strong emotional and physiological reactions. Also, had I been able to stay in the present moment better, my peace of mind would never have been disturbed in the first place. Still, entering the present moment has the power to dispel the effects of our negative thoughts because, by definition, if we are connected to the present moment, those unconscious thoughts are not happening.

Mindfulness - Learning to Be Still

In this age of technology we have virtually countless ways to distract ourselves. We have our radios, CD players, iPods, email, talk radio, TV, DVDs, video games, cell phone, text messaging...not to mention our low-tech distractions such as books, crossword puzzles, and so on. Now, these things all of their respective places. I'm well aware of the irony that I'm using the Internet to blog! However, I think we have a hard time of learning to be still...or just learning to Be...because of the prevalence of these distractions. Our brains are so used to being inundated with stimuli that I think our brains try to fill the void when our distractions are silenced. Then we experience the "chatter" of our thoughts, and our consciousness is not really present at these times. The unconscious thinking that goes on is like our blood flowing...it is happening to us rather than a function of our conscious presence.

Learning to Be present...connected to the world around us...is critical to our well-being. Not only is this supported by teachings from many religious and meditative practices, empirical research clearly shows that learning to become more mindful has numerous emotional and physical health benefits. So, periodically take some time out from distractions and try to focus on the moment. Turn your conscious awareness to your breath, the way your body feels, or the sights and sounds to the world around you. These things only happen in the present moment. For example, there are no past or future breaths...the breathing that you are doing is happening right now. Entering into the present moment will give you relief from the current of thoughts that happen to you. It's tremendously liberating because the "now" is always available to you, wherever you go. No batteries or WiFi necessary.