Zen View of "Problems"

I'm not a Buddhist, but I like a lot of the Buddhist philosophy that I've read. One approach that stays with me, funny enough, was just a short article that a stumbled across in a health magazine. One aspect of the article that stuck with me is the belief that ascribing labels such as "bad" or "good" upon situations elicits negative or positive feelings. The trouble with constantly labeling situations is that we are no longer detached observers...we are interactors and creators of our own feelings about that situation. We then get "sucked into" the whole situation and have a difficult time stepping back from it.

The article on taking a Zen approach recommended trying to avoid labeling situations as "bad" or "good" and, instead, tell yourself it just "is." This might sound somewhat odd at first, but it is tremendously powerful. Also, it fits with a lot of the more recent findings in the field of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that stipulates that it is not a situation itself but our thoughts about the situation that gives rise to various feelings.

I remember right after I read this article, I was trying to leave the house to attend a fitness class. I could not find my car keys...we've all that happen before! I was starting to get increasingly frustrated as I searched in vain for those keys. Before I reached my boiling point, I remembered the article that I had just read and decided to give it a try. I began to tell myself that misplacing my keys was neither a bad thing or good thing. "It just is," I repeated to myself.
I noticed that through reminding myself of this fact, I was able to regain a peace of mind through a curious detachment from the typically maddening experience of misplacing one's car keys.

Since that time, I try to remember to use this Zen approach whenever I encounter day-to-day frustrations. Granted, such an approach does not work well when we experience significant tragedies such as a loss of a loved one. However, we do experience a great deal of frustration, sadness, and anxiety on a daily basis for more minor "negative" events (e.g., caught in rush hour traffic, late for an appointment, misplaced car keys). I would wager that, if you gave this a concerted effort, you find it useful at times. Ideally, you have a variety of strategies in your toolkit because you never know what your are going to need. Now that I'm having to deal with my hard drive crashing on my computer, I have to keep telling myself, "This is not bad or good. It just is." What a challenge!

How to Get Motivated - Part 4

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since I last posted...I had to get motivated to do this! I like to "have blogged" much better than I do blogging, I suppose.

Another way to motivate yourself to do tasks that you don't want to do is to reward yourself for doing those undesired tasks. As adults, we tend to buy things we desire when we want to or can afford them. Find something that is of particular interest to you...a hobby or an indulgence. Identify a particularly onerous task and assign a reward value to it that is tied to your hobby/indulgence. For instance, if you like music and have difficulty paying your bills on time, reward yourself with buying a CD when you do. For a more immediate payoff, download some iTunes songs. Or, if you like golf, you could finally buy that new driver that you've had your eye on if you do something like...clean that garage that you've had on your "To Do" list for ages.
If you like video or computer games, reward yourself with an hour of gaming time if you do that undesired task. Another person might choose to reward themselves with a manicure or a massage.

If you really want to be bold, "tether" an activity that you already like...maybe something you take for granted...to completing the undesired task. For example, no glass of wine at night UNTIL you've cleaned your living room. You can have that morning cup of coffee but only AFTER you have walked the dogs. So, you can choose to not walk the dogs...but then you don't get your coffee. I've tethered cleaning the kitchen at night with watching TV. I can't watch any television unless I've thoroughly cleaned the kitchen. It works in that I'm definitely cleaning the kitchen more. Admittedly, I'm also watching less TV too! Still, rewarding yourself and tethering can help light a fire so that you can conquer some of those..."resistant" challenges.

How to Get Motivated - Part 3

To motivate yourself in the present, think back to your past when you've found the motivation to work thru a challenge. What did you do then? No matter what our problems are, they don't occur 100% of the time. If you think to yourself, "I never have any motivation to do anything," I'll bet you find that you do have motivation sometimes...maybe much of the time.

Global, self-defeating statements such as "I'm never motivated" just aren't true. A person who was never motivated wouldn't get out of bed in the morning, wouldn't ever dress, eat, sleep, shower, take a bathroom break, take their hand off of a hot stove...you get the picture. So, it's fair to say that we are motivated to greater and lesser degrees for things all of our lives.

Whatever your challenge is - to clean house more, work out, be nicer to people, etc., think back to those times that you did make headway on them. What were you doing different then? Those times in the past when we were successful...even if those only occurred every once in a while...can hold the keys to helping us find both the motivation and the strategies to deal with our present challenges.

How to Get Motivated - Part 2

What is the goal that you are trying to achieve? Be specific...write it down with objectives that can be measured. So, something like "I'm going to lose weight," "Eat healthier," or "Get in better shape" just don't make the cut. Instead, create goals such as "Lose 20 pounds within 6 months from now," or "Go running for at least 30 minutes, 3x per week." You will have greater accountability with clear objectives...and less room to fudge.

To illustrate the power of this strategy, think of the difference in telling a friend that you should go out for coffee "sometime" versus setting up a get together at Quackenbush's this coming Saturday at noon. You are much more likely to follow through on a specific commitment than a nebulous one. So, turn a vague goal into a specific one with measurable objectives. This can help you to become more motivated to follow thru.

Now, you are probably nodding your head that this makes sense and you've probably heard this recommendation before. Did you ever really try it though? Before you dismiss it, give it a whirl. There's a reason that people keep recommending this strategy...it works!