How to Get Motivated - Part 1

For some strange reason, identifying what we need to do is a lot easier than doing it. We all have those long lists of things that we should be doing - we know that they are good for us, we feel better when we do them, yet oftentimes we still find it difficult to get motivated to do these tasks or activities. I'm going to just throw out a few tips that might help you get over this hurdle. I'll just keep these short and to the point. I don't want another hurdle to be trying to wade thru my ramblings!

Identify one thing that you know that you need to be doing (or doing more). Write down all the benefits of why you should do this thing on an index card (or a sticky note and put it on your computer monitor). Ensure that the benefits of doing this activity are easy to review...or maybe even can't be avoided. Review these benefits so that they become tangible. This strategy might provide the impetus to get over the inertia to achieve your goal. Give it a try - you have nothing to lose. I'll post another strategy shortly.

Take the "Sleep Challenge"

I have one son who is almost 4 years old and another son who is almost 6 months. Sleep can be a hard-sought luxury, and my wife can speak to this even better than I can. One thing I have noticed, as any parent can tell you, is that infants and young children show dramatic behavioral and emotional changes when they are tired. My eldest son will just have these massive breakdowns when he's sleep deprived. For example, one time it was about 2 hours past his bedtime, and he also hadn't had a nap that day. I think I flushed the toilet for him, and he just fell apart. Between sobs he would gasp, "But I wanted to flush the toilet!" He was beyond consoling and oh, how I tried!

When I wake my son up for school in the morning and he has not had enough sleep, he will just break down crying right from the start. In contrast, when he has had enough sleep he is a delight in the mornings. About a week ago he slept in an extra hour on the weekend. When he awoke, he saw me reading the paper and a wide smile broke across his face. He exclaimed, "I love you, Daddy!" and ran over to give me a hug. Now that sure beats being villified for flushing the toilet for him!

Last weekend, for various reasons, I only got 4 hours of sleep. I found myself, despite my best efforts, being very cranky the whole day. I kept apologizing to my wife for being so irritable. My emotional regulation was just not good at all. I won't even mention that it was Mother's Day (I was partially redeemed because I had stayed up late working on a nice present).

It struck me that as an adult, I'm much like my sons. I might not break down in sobs when I'm tired, but I sure find myself becoming easily irritated and short. I also notice that my entire outlook is slightly more pessimistic. Although we might be able to mask the effects of sleep deprivation in various ways better than children (hello, Starbuck's) , I think we are negatively affected by sleep loss just as our kids are.

I hate to be on my soapbox about this, but I again encourage you to take the "Sleep Challenge." Try getting about 8 hours of sleep for about 1 week straight and see if you notice a difference. When you are feeling tired all the time, the answer is not more coffee. For many adults and children who think the might have ADHD/ADD because of ongoing attention problems, before you pursue stimulant medication I encourage you to try to get more sleep and see what effect this has.

When I was younger, I used to think that sleep was overrated and that I functioned just fine on 5-6 hours per night. I wore that as a badge of honor. I did notice that I was often forgetful, had difficulty paying attention, experienced some short-term memory problems, etc. I thought I might have ADHD until I started reading more on the effects of sleep deprivation and began getting more sleep. I noticed an immediate positive impact.

That's why I keep bringing up the importance of sleep in my blogs. It's such a simple change to make that can have such a huge impact on your life. It's worth taking the "Sleep Challenge" for a week. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain - not just more sleep but a better life and a better you.

Generating New Neurons Through Exercise

Until recently it was thought that the adult brain did not generate any new neurons. I clearly remember listening to a graduate professor in my Biological Bases for Behavior class state this as an immutable fact. It was kind of depressing to hear that, but I accepted it as an unfortunate reality.

Discoveries in the area of neuroscience over the last decade have toppled many long-standing beliefs about how our brains work. As it turns out, the adult brain can generate new neurons. I had read that finding before, but I found out some fascinating details about this in Sharon Begley's new book, "Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain."

We all know of the numerous benefits of physical exercise - I already blogged about those. There's a strong mind-body connection such that our physical exercise improves our emotional well-being, our cognitive functioning, and our physical health. It's virtually free with no major negative side effects (if done properly). If someone were able to extract the benefits of an hour of daily exercise, put it into pill form, and sell it, they'd be a billionaire. Not that anyone should try, mind you, it's just to emphasize the benefits of regular physical exercise are extensive and should not be passed up.

One thing that we know about depression is that people who are experiencing depression have difficulty recognizing and appreciating novelty. To a person who is depressed, things seem flat and bland. It turns out that people who are experiencing major depression have a shrunken hippocampus - an area of brain that facilitates the formation of new memories. Neuroscientists have discovered that physical exercise actually creates new neurons in the hippocampus. It's a process known as neurogenesis. These new neurons are especially good at recognizing novelty, which is one major reason why exercise has been shown to elevate depression. AMAZING!!! Yet another reason to exercise - the creation of new neurons that leads to the alleviation of depression.

Use of Praise with Children - Part 3

I call this technique the "principle of opposites." It's simple but effective. What is the most annoying behavior of your child? Does he frequently interrupt you? Does she have trouble complying with directions? What ever behavior it is, find its opposite...that's the one that you really want to see more of anyway. Instead of giving most of your attention to a particular behavior of your child that annoys you, you "catch him" behaving well in the opposite area. Then, give him specific praise. "Billy, I really appreciate how you put away your toys right when I asked." Remember, don't just say "good job" when Billy puts his toys away...that's not specific enough.

This takes practice...you will be breaking your old habit of repeatedly attending to your child's negative behavior. Maybe even put a post-it note on your bathroom mirror to remind yourself. Enlist your significant other's support...help each other out so you can create a new habit. You'll find that your much less negative toward your child AND it is likely that your child's behavior will improve in that area that has been so troublesome.

Use of Praise with Children - Part 2

When praising children, another helpful approach is to be specific about the praise. Often we assume that, when we say "good job," little Billy knows to what we are referring. Billy might not have a clue. For example, if you exclaim "Wonderful job!" to Billy after he finishes a soccer game, how is he to know what you are talking about? Is it because he tried hard? Is it because he demonstrated good sportsmanship by helping an injured player? Is it because he passed the ball a lot to his teammates? If you are praising Billy in hopes that it encourages him to do more of that action in the next game, he needs to know what you mean.

Imagine if the performance review from your boss consisted of the words "GOOD JOB!" scrawled across the page. How helpful...or rewarding...would that be? Praise should provide some specific information that allows children to know exactly what they are doing well so they can choose to do more of that behavior the next time. Generic praise, in addition to not being informative, becomes very bland and children begin to lose interest in what you are saying. Again, imagine if your boss praised you in the exact same way every time...and used that same praise with everyone else. After a while, you would probably tune her out.

Help kids know what they are doing right by being specific in your use of praise. Ensure that you have variety as well. Use hand signals, pats on the back, different wording, various vocal inflections, etc. This will allow kids the ability to use the information that you convey more effectively. Remember, it doesn't guarantee that they do what you want, but at least they have what they need to make a more informed choice about their behavior.